Important
and influential ideas!
by Rosalynd Van Dyke
Let me state, at the outset, that this article is not intended
to amuse you. Unlike so many of my fellow staff writers here at YAD, I see this
as a way to affect social change and through my insightful punditry convince
you that your way of thinking is fucked. Luckily for you, Mrs. Van Dyke is here
now to show you the true way. In this, my premier article, I will give you five
simple rules to obey in order to prepare you for the governmental shift that
is on the way.
1) Under no circumstances are you to enter a Shopping
mall.
These drone stables are the hubs of the idiot bourgeoisie. When the revolution
comes, you do not want to be anywhere near these places. You may say “But
Mrs. Van Dyke, I need the hottest, trendiest pop hardcore compact discs.”
To that I say BALLS to you. You disgust me. However. You are exactly who I am
speaking to. You must learn to be strong and give up the musical trends of your
herd. which leads me into the next rule.
2) You must listen only to Pansy Divison. At least
for the first six months. This will get you out of your stupid-Frat-Boy-Rape-every-womin-who-grabs-your-Dick-McJohnson-at-a-party
mindset. After that, you can listen to as much Ani Difranco or Lorena McKennit
as you want.
3) The only moving images you can view are those
of Noam Chomsky reading his own Political Geniusry. The man is almost Perfect.
His only downfall is, he often writes psychobabble, which is incomprehensible
and thereby worthless and outside the realm of the literature I will outline
for you. The way you can tell, is look inside. If it looks like math with words,
Put it down immediately. It is of no use to you.
4) An exhaustive list of the up to four books
you can read.
The prosperous few
and the restless Many, by Noam Chomsky
1984 by George Orwell
Brave New World
by Aldous Huxley
Me Gusto tacos y
revolucion by Che Guevara
You must study one or all of these texts exhaustively over the next six months.
These are all you can read. That is, unless it is my column or, as outlined
by rule 3, Noam Chomsky reads it to you.
5) You must speak of this to no one. Speak of
nothing you read, your private obsession, your love for pansy division, anything
outlined by these rules. Let the social unrest build inside of you until it
is timeAnd when it is time, you will know. Because it will be a watershed event
in the history of this country. Now is not the time. TOMORROW IS THE TIME. (tomorrow
is figurative. If you try to do it tomorrow, you’ll get shot by the facists.)