and influential ideas!
by Rosalynd Van Dyke
Let me state, at the outset, that this article is not intended to amuse you. Unlike so many of my fellow staff writers here at YAD, I see this as a way to affect social change and through my insightful punditry convince you that your way of thinking is fucked. Luckily for you, Mrs. Van Dyke is here now to show you the true way. In this, my premier article, I will give you five simple rules to obey in order to prepare you for the governmental shift that is on the way.
1) Under no circumstances are you to enter a Shopping mall.
These drone stables are the hubs of the idiot bourgeoisie. When the revolution comes, you do not want to be anywhere near these places. You may say “But Mrs. Van Dyke, I need the hottest, trendiest pop hardcore compact discs.” To that I say BALLS to you. You disgust me. However. You are exactly who I am speaking to. You must learn to be strong and give up the musical trends of your herd. which leads me into the next rule.
2) You must listen only to Pansy Divison. At least for the first six months. This will get you out of your stupid-Frat-Boy-Rape-every-womin-who-grabs-your-Dick-McJohnson-at-a-party mindset. After that, you can listen to as much Ani Difranco or Lorena McKennit as you want.
3) The only moving images you can view are those of Noam Chomsky reading his own Political Geniusry. The man is almost Perfect. His only downfall is, he often writes psychobabble, which is incomprehensible and thereby worthless and outside the realm of the literature I will outline for you. The way you can tell, is look inside. If it looks like math with words, Put it down immediately. It is of no use to you.
4) An exhaustive list of the up to four books you can read.
The prosperous few and the restless Many, by Noam Chomsky
1984 by George Orwell
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Me Gusto tacos y revolucion by Che Guevara
You must study one or all of these texts exhaustively over the next six months. These are all you can read. That is, unless it is my column or, as outlined by rule 3, Noam Chomsky reads it to you.
5) You must speak of this to no one. Speak of nothing you read, your private obsession, your love for pansy division, anything outlined by these rules. Let the social unrest build inside of you until it is timeAnd when it is time, you will know. Because it will be a watershed event in the history of this country. Now is not the time. TOMORROW IS THE TIME. (tomorrow is figurative. If you try to do it tomorrow, you’ll get shot by the facists.)