LAST GASP
     for October, 2004

Frequently Asked Question #3,160:

Why do Squirrels say "Hello Superman" ?

Answer: One day, in between kepping the world a better place and being a superhero and whatnot, Superman decided he was going to teach all of the squirrels to talk.
Unfortunately, his efforts were nullified when he was killed, leaving only a partial lesson to squirrels worldwide.
They all knew how to say "Hello Superman"
It was a simple lesson, you see. He would say "Hello Squirrel," and eventually the squirrels would reply "Hello Superman"
Upon returning to life, Superman simply forgot about his grand undertaking of enriching the lives of humans and squirrels by opening the lines of communication, leaving the poor squirrels with a vocabulary consisting of two words.
You see, to a squirrel, the entirety of the human language consists of the words "Hello" and "Superman"

for example, you could say to a squirrel
"Hello Squirrel!"
and it would reply
"Hello Superman"
you would respond
"Squirrel, What is the meaning of life?"
and the squirrel would reply
"Hello Superman"

now to the squirrel, they'd just explained the meaning of life to you.

you can see the horrible irony here, as obviously squirrels know the meaning of life, and to us it's "hello superman"

why has no one ever bothered to teach the world's squirrel population the rest of language?

well, it's a daunting task, and people are very lazy.

(as a tiny postscript, i'd once heard tale of a rogue squirrel who said "oi! fuck off!" instead, but i cannot verify the accuracy.)

so when you say hello to a squirrel and it replies "Hello Superman!" don't be alarmed. it means you no ill behavior...

...or does it???