QUICK NEWS for AMOKTOBER 2004
Mumia Free!
By Me.
Today in a shocking turn of events at the Free Mumia Rally in Philly, literally
hundreds of protesters were shocked to death when the governor of Pennsylvania
showed up and announced that Prisoner Mumia Abu Jamal would be freed at Noon.
In a later interview, the Governor was quoted as saying “People were
protesting! What the hell was I supposed to do?!” After the statement
was made, a wave of mass confusion swept through the crowd. “What do
we do now?” shouted several protestors. There was no answer.
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Cable Free!
By Someone.
Thousands of happy citizens rioted today as Time warner cable announced their
new status as a not for profit group working only off what they make in advertisement
spots. One Caucasian male was shot while breaking into “Now! Audio Video”
when asked for comment from his hospital room, he said, well If Cable’s
free, I should be able to steal TVs too.” Idiot.
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Death is Taxed.
By You.
One of the unsung heroes of nature is also the hardest working man in no business.
Death is tired and looking for a replacement. The qualifications are in stone
and the application process is rigorous, but if you feel like you are up to
the task of being the angel of death, go to www.notarealwebsite.net to begin
the screening process. Mortals need not apply.
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Sucks to be You
By that guy.
Oddly enough, some guy fell off a bike today and no one was there to laugh
at him. However, that also means there was no one there to give him immediate
medical attention which is why I say “SUCKS TO BE YOU.”
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Evil in Greensboro.
By Eton Out.
I was told to be at a certain place at a certain time and that someone would
give me all the powers deserving of a human of my qualifications. When I got
there there was a snapping turtle sitting in the middle of the room just itchin’
for a fight. So I took him on. Needless to say, he beat my ass, proving to
me that I did not deserve the powers I would have gotten. So I left to the
sound of the snapping turtle yelling “where ya goin’ sissy!”
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Shot in the Head.
By Nut and Clever
I heard someone get shot in the head behind my house last week. I got scared
and slept with my knife that night.