| Slander against Matt Ledbetter for Libel's sake | ||
| For Whome the Bell Tolleth | ||
|
| The Sobering Truth | ||
|
This Month: The Liberal Right spells T-H-E E-N-D for Lefties! |
||
|
| VACLAV TARTOFFZ IS MAKING NO SENSE | ||
|
editor's note: Vaclav Tartoffz writes in his native tongue. rather than hire expensive and time consuming Translators, we simply run his article through the Alta Vista Babel Fish and rush it to print, sight unseen. This Month: wicked return tartoffz vaclav! |
||
|
| Shark River Anthology | ||
|
Morninglight Dark, Hollow, Homely. The last of the light fled from my windshield as the tunnel wooshed past over my head. The gossamer strands of fear mingled in with the nerves running the length of my spinal cord. Who was in my closet? The irrationality of my youth never quite eased it’s grasp. Under the bed the box’s contents metamorphosed into creepycrawly things with teeth. A stapler is no longer a stapler. Scotch tape is no longer translucent. Together their threat pinned me down under my pillow as I silentscreamed into the fitted sheet. Knowing she would be there-here in hours-miles made the darkness of the tunnel somewhat bearable. -Robert Salk |
||
|
| Slander Against Matt Ledbetter for Libel's Sake | ||
|
Libel against Matt Ledbetter ROUND DEUCE Boy do I have some juicy dirt on El Scumbag this month. Let me Cut to the Chase Sequence. |
||
|
| The Sobering Truth by Annie Williams | ||
|
This Month: Listen up, fanboys. I know your time is equally divided between the internet and planning new variations on Vampire: The Masquerade or whatever quasi-D&D based variant you've concocted to avoid ridicule, but I've had it up to here with message boards decrying the cancellation of your beloved "geek shows." So let's set a few things straight, shall we? |
||
|
| Three killed at first annual Rosalyn Van Dyke Look-alike Contest; Local Cow is Pissed. | ||
| Blood in the Alley? Are you kidding?! | ||
|
| Fuck Your Tattoos by Matt Englund | ||
|
Being a pillar of the counter-culture, I have the pleasure of meeting all sort of crazy rock ‘n’ roll types who mutilate, puncture, scarify, and generally fuck themselves up in the name of fashion. Slovenly, demented perverts so full of booze, cum and methemphetamines that would just as soon skullfuck the next unlucky piece of shit to step in their way were it not for the Prince Albert, freshly healing, imbedded in the head of their cock. But there are also folks out there cruising the scene that I have a genuine mistrust and downright hatred for, folks who make it out to all the right shows, go to the right clubs and genuinely make the scene. These are the kind of scumfucks who have the gecko tattooed on the right arm, maybe a scary skull on the left arm. Weekend fucking warriors man, I mean if your gonna start modifying your body, let’s go all out for chrissakes. We not going to get anywhere if you fucks aren’t going to experiment with your physical makeup for my amusement, so while were having this chat about how great I am and how you will always be little pussyboy poser I have a few suggestions to make that maybe kick you up a notch or two on badass the meter: |
||
|
| Tools For Being Cool by Riannon Clarke | ||
| In a time when trends come in and go out just as often/quickly as my good pal Barrett’s mom does the Diva’s Lube Mart, one must really be in tune with the “eternally” hip, whilst one keeps an ear to the ground for upcoming fads. You even might need to read some tips, which (thank god for you) is sometimes cool. At other times it is not, so keep up with me, shitheads. | ||
|
| The Sobering Truth by Annie Williams | ||
|
This Month: Your Movies Aren't Worth Watching While many argue the relative merits of Social Darwinism, everyone generally agrees that a movement in pop culture is only worthwhile if the public accept it. There are those amongst us that point to TV shows that they watched and were cancelled unfairly (read: only five people were watching), but this is another subject altogether. Today I point the light of truth towards cinephiles, but most specifically those chained to the cave of independents. |
||
|
| VACLAV TARTOFFZ IS MAKING NO SENSE | ||
| editor's note: Vaclav Tartoffz writes in his native tongue. rather than hire expensive and time consuming Translators, we simply run his article through the Alta Vista Babel Fish and rush it to print, sight unseen. | ||
|